I Love My God. Yours, Not So Much.

Don't tell me what God thinks.  For the love of, well, God, don't do it.

Here are some things people say that drive me absolutely mad:

"I know now that God must have a plan for me!"
This is something people say over and over when they've been in accident, or survived a scary diagnosis.  Weeping with relief, they are absolutely convinced--and want everyone to know--that God is so enamored of them that He intervened and saved them from whatever disaster nearly took their life.

I see.  So, when my son died, well, it was because God never had a plan for him, so He didn't see fit to intervene in his life.  That's cool.  I guess Rory just was not as valuable to Him as you.  And those six million Jews?  Feck 'em.  God let them perish because he was busy planning on how he was going to save your SUV from skidding off a cliff, and still have time to show up on a pancake at a Denny's in Texas.  Got it.  I sure wish he'd had plans for all those little kids in Connecticut, instead of letting them die in a terrifying hail of gunfire.  But as long as you're okay, that's what really matters.

Speaking of school shootings, here's another vomit-inducing sentiment:

"God was not there that day because we no longer allow him in schools."

First off, what the hell kind of God do you worship?  One that punishes children for the acts of school boards and politicians?  Wow.  He's a real prince among gods, that one.  If that's how He treats the most innocent and beautiful of His creations, I can only imagine what He's got in store for the likes of me.  (But not you.  Because, y'know, we all know He has big plans for you.)

Moral argument aside, there's a pretty big logical fallacy in that one, too.  See, there's this minor little story in the Old Testament called, "Exodus."  You should read it some time, then come back and discuss how God does not go where He is not wanted.  

Moving on, let's try this one:

"You are strong.  Take faith in knowing God does not give people more than they can handle."

Okiedokie then.  Let's pull the records on every suicide in recorded history, and change cause of death to "homicide via demonic possession."  Or does your God just suck at judging what people can handle?  Maybe he should be working on that, instead of micromanaging your driving and health.  Just sayin'.

Okay, rant over.  I realize you have the right to believe in your God, and to speak of him in any way you please.  But be forewarned that if you come at me with any of the above, I will tell you to take your God for a nice long hike, far awake from me and my God.  Because, I do believe in God.  But not the same one you do, obviously.  That's cool.  If you like your God, you can keep your God. (And in this case, that's actually true!)  As for me, I'll keep mine.  I think I've got the better deal.